Big news: Letting go

Sometimes the best way to give news is to come right out with it, so here goes...

I’m letting go of my organizing business.

Here’s how it finally all came down. I had a particularly stressful day with the kids (there are four of them now), and my husband came home to quite a scene: me mopping up a potty-training event. Said potty trainer standing half naked in the empty bathtub. Six year old asking ridiculous questions about craft supplies. Baby screaming in the crib. Eight year old trying to comfort the baby. I left the house within two minutes of my husband’s arrival. Definitely a Mom-of-the-Year moment.

I drove to a nearby parking lot and, in desperation and through tears, called a friend. “Go to the lake and pray,” she said. “Ask God for the first step.” Fortunately, my husband keeps a Bible in his car--good man. I turned to the gospel of John, chapter one. I read as far as verse 43 and froze: “Follow me.”

When Jesus called his disciples, he didn’t give them the big picture. He didn’t say, “First we’ll go here, then there, and eventually we’ll…” Nope. Just “Follow me.” One step at a time. By faith. The next thing I heard, or sensed anyway, was: “The website.”

What?

When I started this journey six years ago, the plan was to build a flexible business that I could ramp up after our two children started elementary school. It all blossomed larger and faster than I imagined. I gained volumes of information and experiences (many that have come in handy in my own growing home), and I met countless wonderful people. In many ways, it became a ministry.

But after our third child was born, I slowed down my work. We started homeschooling. After our fourth child came, I cut the business back to almost nothing. Now, all that remains is the website. It doesn’t take a ton of my time, but it’s there…and it’s time to let it go.

It’s time for my ministry to become smaller, stronger, and more personal. Through the grace of Christ, I am finally able to look my husband in the eye and say, “This family is enough for me.” It has taken me eight years to let go of my need for a career, but at last I am content with who I am as a wife and mother and child of God. Ultimately I realized how limited is my opportunity and privilege of immersing myself in this season of life. Rather than finding ways to escape it, I need to learn to enter into it more fully. That’s hard.

Will I lose myself in all this? Quite likely the opposite. Will I return to public speaking and writing again someday? Possibly, in some form. But by then, my story and focus could look very different. That’s what “Follow me” is all about.

You know how hard it is to let go of things. There are plenty of questions and fears. But when you have something that is no longer beautiful, meaningful, or useful, it’s time to make space for something new. I told my husband that it felt a little scary, not really knowing what might take its place, and do you know what he said?

“You can’t bring a new boat into the harbor when the old boat’s still tied to the dock.”

Thank you for listening and for sharing this journey with me. It really has been a blessing. Take good care, and keep in touch.

Peace,

P.S. My website will be taken down on August 1st. If there is any information you’ve been meaning to print or download, now’s the time to do it! I’m clearing out my inventory as well, so everything will be half price while it lasts.

P.P.S., updated 7/25/09...I've been getting many, many, amazingly supportive replies by email, as well as a few by blog-post comments. Be sure to click on the 'comments' section below, and be encouraged!